Take this shimmering pearl of wisdom, for example (from Cosmo’s “The 9 Best Things to Say to a Guy You Just Met”— this line is supposed to apply if you’re on the beach): Wow. Are our lives really incomplete unless every single one of our decisions, from our choices in clothes & makeup to the way we carry ourselves to the things we do on Facebook, are based on the school of thought?

And besides that, are shimmery cleavage and sultry bedroom eyes really the key to attracting lasting love?

I mean, I kind of want to throw up in my mouth a little bit every time I take a look at the popular advice that’s out there for young people (both women and men included).

So today I’ve decided to do something a little bit different. Our tips will help you become more awesome in just one month— and coincidentally, you might also find a boyfriend (but if you don’t, you’ll hardly notice because you’ll be so busy being blissfully awesome). Get the ball rolling by asking all your friends if they know any single guys. Get the ball rolling by asking yourself what makes you feel centered and excited.

Here it is, guys and gals: proof that GOOD advice doesn’t have to be uncool (or boring, for that matter). Being so forward may seem awkward, but at least you can be sure the guys they recommend won’t be douchebags or serial killers. Sign yourself up for a cooking class or a writing class or start working on those paintings you’ve been wanting to do.

America is inundated with stupid advice for young women– advice that is not only silly, but pretty horrible as well.

In fact, I can hardly stand in the checkout line anymore without seeing a headline that makes me want to vomit, cry, and die of stupidity and embarrassment all at once.

I mean, check out these headlines that I pulled from Cosmo’s website: What Guys Secretly Think of Your Hair & Makeup: The truth revealed!

20 Dresses He Will Love What He Thinks When He Walks Through Your Door 7 Facebook Habits that Guys Hate 78 Ways to Turn Him On The Secret to Getting Any Guy How to be a Total Man Magnet Sexy Summer Hair Ideas Meet a New Guy by Summer!

How to Decode His Body Language Which is awesome and all, except summer hair ideas,” because guys like sexy, right?!

And, you know, the purpose of life has pretty much been defeated if we aren’t a man-magnet or can’t please him in 342 different ways.